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  • rileysoloner

Tiny Victories

Remember these quiet moments. A rare alone in the apartment day. Seated at the dining room table. Intro to JavaScript lab, Modifying Objects. 1 test passing, 6 failing. I’ve been stuck on Question Two for a half hour.

This developing awareness of my body/mind connection is like a delicate compass in the woods. I’ll feel the hot weight in my chest like I’m in a math test from half my lifetime ago. That's when I know I'm taking myself too seriously. I can catch myself now. I can block the old familiar flood that comes after the first warning. I can remind myself this pain is actually a beacon. Don’t give in.

I’ve looked at the prompt for question 2 over and over. I’m looking at it twice simultaneously in a split screen. The Terminal on the left, the TestIndex in VSC on the right. I’m exhausted. I switch back to Chrome and reread the instructions. I’m drawing a blank. I don’t even know where to begin. Time to click back a page and reread the examples. Humiliation. Entitlement. I shouldn't have to read this again after it took me so long to get through it the first time. Not even skimming it, just speed scrolling a blur of what I haven't absorbed yet. Don’t give in.

Go slower. Resist apathy. Give yourself a chance. Find the example that most closely resembles what the lab prompt is asking for. Ah, here's something I haven't tried yet.

Switch over to VSC. Two lines of code.

{employee.streetAddress = “12 Broadway”;

return employee;

} ;

Switch over to Terminal. "Learn Test" + return

2 passing, 5 failing.

I lean back, my hands raised. I laugh, I pat myself on the back. I got another one. On my own! Tiny victories, few and far between. They’re sweet and they’ll start to pile up one day. I feel like a toddler marveling at a small bag of marbles. It ain't much but they’re all mine.

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