Search
  • rileysoloner

This Might Not Work

As a high school student, I allowed the stress and anxiety over grades to boil over. "I'm going to fail," I would say, sealing my fate. They were self fulfilling prophecies.

Throughout my twenties, I carried a general optimism as I stumbled through a budding career in comedy. I worked hard in the right place at the right time. I didn’t know how it would work, but I was certain it would.

And it did!…for some time. Once I was up to a certain rung on the ladder, I assumed things would be easier. Entitlement crept in. I held onto memories of earning a coveted spot on a stage or in a show. I wasn’t doing enough mental preparation to take on the harder challenges ahead. I rested on some of my laurels and grew expectant that opportunities would be handed out based on achievements that didn’t matter so much. I looked too closely at other people’s success and compared myself too unfairly instead of merely doing the necessary work. I’m being a bit unfair in how I’m telling the story back. I did work hard often. I’m writing with selective memory to make a point about where my mind is now.

I can’t afford that general “it’ll work out, somehow” optimism I had before. I’ve jumped into a new act that doesn't come naturally. Tuition is paid and my auto payments on my loan have commenced. In a sense, I have burned the ship I sailed in on. No going back. I’m doing a good job of keeping up a cautious optimism, plus honesty and pragmatism. This might not work. So I better not slouch my way through this. Counterintuitively, this has motivated me to stay on target.

16 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Hello. I’m on my lunch break at my first day of coding bootcamp. Not much to report yet. I had a good morning. I'm happy to have prepared enough to get a mile run in before a shortened version of my m

At 6:20am, I stepped outside and ran a mile in 9 minutes and 27 seconds. It was my first mile run since April 5th. Even though I healed well, my running injury from last Summer left me sedentary and r

Last night I celebrated the high school graduation of a friend I have known since he was a little baby. The room was full of friends I have known and loved since I was a teenager. I know all of them t