Nine of Wands

My new morning ritual is still going strong: Pulling one card per day and listening to Jessica Dore’s Tarot for Change on Audible. There’s a 3 to 5 minute chapter on every card in the deck. I pull my card, pop in my headphones and hear some pithy insight on the intersection of psychology and symbolism. As someone who would love to be a Jungian if only I could understand his writing well enough to retain the information, I've found the Tarot to be a more accessible practice in applying symbolism to personal growth.

On Saturday morning, I pulled Nine of Wands. According to Dore, it symbolizes boundaries we care to set. Minutes later, I was faced with the challenge of establishing a boundary and standing by my decision. The resistance that met me shook my confidence. It felt horrible. Weakly, feeling uncertain, I apologetically reneged on my decision. This also felt horrible. I flip flopped for the rest of the day. When I could finally sit down with ellena, she reassured me that my original decision was right for everybody. It was time to be true.

Sunday. New day, new card. I shuffled thoroughly, but pulled the exact same Nine of Wands again. Hell of a reminder. It was only then that I realized I had struggled with boundaries all day yesterday. And now, it was time to take the last necessary step that I had been avoiding. Time to be the bearer of bad news.

It feels bad to let someone down in the short term. It’s in the service of a longer term scenario that will be better for everybody.