If I'm going to keep blabbing about I'm a clown this, I'm a clown that - it's imperative that I get out of my mind and into my body. That's the whole point.
I took a great dance class this week. It was led by an actor/comedian dancer, which cut through so much of any possible uncertainty about if this would be a place for me to work through the discomfort. She was welcoming and held space for a low pressure, humorous, experimental session. I eased into stretching a comfort zone that has been historically tight. By the end, I was doing more than I thought I could. It wasn't pretty, but I was doing it!
All this research prep, gathering resources, creating reading lists, swaying between excited and overwhelmed over the project. It's cool. Even discussing the broad outlines with friends has sparked conversations, discovery and connection.
I know I'm being rigid. But before I get lost in meta sauce, I have to remind myself: I'm researching this stuff because I love how the experiencing of it makes me feel. Pursuing it intellectually must be a means to experiencing it. It's about doing and creating. Not just proving I know. And I don't have to wait until I know enough to do and create. I can and must do and create, while there's still doing and creating to do.