More Learning More Humbling

I went in for a physical therapy assessment today. It’s all part of my big plan to improve my health once I can afford to take up such luxuries.

If you really know me, you've heard about some developmental abnormalities that occurred in my baby body. There are some mental hills for me to climb as I work to gain a better sense of ownership over my body.

I’m laying on a table, listening to a physical therapist give me instructions on isolating and contracting a muscle group that I can’t find in my own body yet. For now, this type of challenge brings up feelings similar to the coding confusion/frustration/mild panic. Expectancy, entitlement and shame barges in, just like when I'm stuck on a question in a JavaScript lab. Thinking rationally, there’s no shame in starting from incompetence and learning. It takes time for rational thought to kick in. The space between the shame instinct and rational reassurance can erode my chance of meeting my potential. If I let it.

Whether my challenge is based in logic or my body, I don’t want to let my ego's microscopic pickiness on my weaknesses get the best of me any longer. I want to give myself the grace and patience I need from myself to progress steadily.