Grasping

I speed-wrote in my journal for 20 minutes, filling up the page with the most encouraging, self affirming language possible. Doesn't matter if I believe it or not. I'm building myself up to tackle this coding bootcamp challenge. I get into this writing mode where I'm writing weird sentences like "I will grasp and wield this new knowledge." I remind and congratulate myself for eliminating distractions revisiting healthy habits. I provide evidence in my resolve; my willingness to chip away at the pre-work every day, cracking two different textbooks on JavaScript, downloading a customizable flash card software to quiz myself. It's unfamiliar to me, and it can even hurt to admit how seriously I'm taking this for fear of how corny it appears. But I know I'm up against a majorly taxing challenge. I'm doing what I can to put my best foot forward.

There's friction. That's expected. Not everything is sticking in my mind. There are certain concepts I've had to slow down and spend all day revisiting. Identifying the bruised ego impulse to give up is getting easier. I’m more persistent now. I'll make exponential progress with this development alone.

I’m picturing a near future where I have the confidence in a coding context similar to the curiosity I bring to an acting or clowning workshop environment. I can’t see exactly what that's like. I’m relaxed, jovial, social and creative. It isn't much more specific than that. For now, being confidently competent is a good guiding light for me. Looking back at previous concepts I’ve struggled through and seeing that I grasp it now is reason enough to believe that more confidence and more competence is on its way.